Wednesday, December 1, 2010

A Recipe for the Holidays

It never ceases to amaze me at how responsibilities, tasks, important events that require preparation and foresight, and illness all seem to occur so often at precisely the same moment, creating stress and anxiety and general ill-will among all those affected. Nowhere is this pattern more prevalent than during this time of seasonal expectations.

I can once again count myself as a victim of the phenomenon described above. Here's my recipe:

Take a cup of your daughter's third birthday party preparations and mix it with the final grammar tests and essays you must have finished marking within the next 48 hours. Don't forget those final report cards that need to be finished on Monday, either! Throw in the rehearsal time for your "Lady Grammar" act you'll be performing tomorrow night at the Language Centre's final party (you know, the one you signed up for at the beginning of November, when birthdays, finals, and holidays were but a faint speck on winter's horizon). Don't forget to fold in the errands necessary for that performance, such as hunting for an electric guitar, high-hat and kick drum when you own none of those instruments and don't know many people who do. In a pan, heat the oil necessary to fry all your Hanukkah preparations (cooking, decorating, practicing songs for your son's Hebrew class, finding and wrapping gifts, preparing a culturally-sensitive lesson for the grade one goyim in your son's class). Add a generous cup of consideration and thoughtfulness towards your husband (which, truth be told, can be especially hard to come by over the holiday season). Measure out 3 tablespoons of flu and cold-like symptoms, and divide them equally among your husband, son, and daughter, but don't add them at the same time: add them in intervals of several days, so that you can maximize the length of time that their illnesses last. Add a dash (OK, make that two or three dashes) of stress related to extended family and their expectations. Stir well, and allow the mixture to ferment in a warm, moist place until your mother's second marriage in a week and a half (the one in which you are expected to play a significant musical role, for which you have not even begun thinking about yet, let alone preparing - you just know that it might involve a Celine Dion song, which makes you exceedingly uncomfortable), and then voila! La piece de resistance! Serve with a stiff drink, or, better yet, several.

Happy Holidays, everyone!!! 건배!

1 comment:

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